Ode to Lake Ontario

A pristine waterline
is floating in doubt
on the shores of
Lake Ontario

The one they love to hate
The one they toe into with fear
yet lay obediently
at its side

 

'The water will kill you'
'You'll grow extra limbs'
they say
while sipping water
from a canteen filled with
Lake Ontario

The birds seem to know
They circle 'round
with songs of praise
while the sun directs smiles
upon the goldish sand

Our basin guarded by our tower
Our playground for bikes and bikinis
Our version of the ocean coast
deserves a nod in favour

at least before acid rain
and nuclear fears
trigger the next
damming story

The Duck Whisperer

From time to time, strangers approach me for a chat.

I’m not sure why. Perhaps it's because I have a loner spirit, and the other loners pick up on that. Sometimes I reciprocate, sometimes my growing Toronto temperament gets the better of me and I just ignore them.

On this day, I headed down to Sunnyside Beach with the promise of sun and relaxation. The sun entertained me for a few minutes, but hid behind the clouds for good, even before the sweat from riding my bike to the beach had dried.

I glanced around at the wildlife, camera in hand, hoping to capture an interesting moment. Unlike all the expected things to see at a beach, there was a woman with a cowboy hat on, staring into the water. Ducks, geese and seagulls started flocking to her before she even flicked out the first breadcrumb.

They must know her, I thought. The birds all seemed so calm and patient as they approached. At that moment I already had a nickname for her: 'The Duck Whisperer'.

She seemed to run out of bread, and walked away. But she came back to the same spot moments later, staring at the calm winged animals, and then turned her attention to me.

That's when she approached. Almost walking by me, but stopping and turning as if we were already chatting and she had forgotten to tell me something.

She doesn't get down to the water much, she told me. But she loves the ducks. "I just love them."

She spoke fondly of Barrie, but I wasn't sure if she was from there. She’s in Toronto with the hopes of landing a job playing music at a seniors home. She needs just one more reference.

She was big into music when she was younger. In fact, she knew Mick Jagger. No, she dated him. No… they were engaged.

"I talked him into staying in music," said Nancy. She had shared her name by this point. "He didn't want to stay in music."

She drank a lot back then. She doesn't anymore, or so she says. She gets stage fright. Maybe the seniors offer a less judgmental atmosphere. I get stage fright too, I told her.

It was hard to tell if she was homeless. I didn't ask, it wasn't that important. She was just a person talking to me. I peeked into my wallet for anything to offer her, instinctively. I didn't have a single bill.

But she never asked me for money.

She did ask me for something else: she wanted me to take photos of the ducks to send to her. So I did. First I took pictures of the ducks, then her with the ducks, and then just her, smiling.

She has an email address (who doesn't) and she grabbed at my notepad to write it down, but I got to it first. I didn't want her to read what I was already scrawling about my first impression of her before we started talking.

She had a wide hat
and a matching gap 
between her teeth
she called to brown ducks
camouflaged by the overcast sky
on the brown shore

I had also already taken several pictures of her with the ducks and geese. But I didn't mention that.

She asked what I did. I told her I was in magazines. She joked that I’d better not put her picture in the magazine. I told her it was too late. She laughed. She had a sense of humour like anyone else. I told her don't worry, I don't write for Rolling Stone. (Or Mick Jagger).

I felt a drop of rain. She didn't feel it because the brim of her big hat deflected it.

I told her it was nice to meet her. She said the same. And how much she loves the ducks.

And I will send her the pictures. And maybe this post as well.

UPDATE: Aug 30 2012 - Happy to report I got a response from the Duck Whisperer. Here it is, unedited:

"Jeff ,Nancy the lady with the ducks,thanks for seading me the picture from the beach,it really cheared me up.Its Aug 11.2012 and the pictureform the6th ofJuly was agreat picure of a great day for me with the ducks,Ihaven't checked my e-mail in a while and forgot you were sending the pictures to me it made me so happy icoyuld cry,allIcan do is smile in that wonderful caption of a great day."

There are no cities

When I decided to move back to Toronto from the 'country', townies poked fun at me about moving to the big smoke where there's nothing but concrete and graffiti.


They said that people in the city weren't friendly like 'small town' folk. Truth is, I spent five years living north of Hwy. 7, and while it was pleasant for the most part, I didn't make many friends.


Was that my fault? Probably. But unless you grow up in those small towns and everyone knows you from their Grade 5 class, or novice hockey team, or your father was a prominent farmer or councillor, it is hard to be accepted into inner circles.


So when I finally took the plunge and traded dirt roads for streetcar tracks, I noticed something fairly quickly: I didn't move to a big, faceless, smoggy jungle as described by the small-townies.


My part of the city even has a name: The Junction. It is a thriving community, with stores and restaurants owned by locals. It organizes its own events and fundraisers. The residents take pride in making their piece of the city a better place.


It's as if someone took a small town and planted it in the middle of a metropolis. The Junction just landed its own farmer's market, adding to its 'small town' charm.


And this is not unique to The Junction. There are many proud and independent communities across Toronto (The Annex, The Beach, Riverdale, Parkdale, etc.) that could likely exist on their own if you lifted them up and planted them in the wilderness.


Same could probably apply for other major cities made up of distinct — and named — communities. (See Vancouver or NYC, for example.)


The divide between Toronto's downtown and its suburbs (helped along by its current mayor) is just like the attitude the northerners had about the city, and vice versa. Many are only concerned with what will benefit or impact their own backyard and immediate neighbours, and that's no different north or south of Hwy. 7.


The divide within Toronto is also evident when someone in the east or west end gets invited downtown — "but that's so far!" they say. It might as well be a long drive to the middle of nowhere for many people. They don't want to leave their corner of the city; everything they need is where they are.


So while of course they have more people, cities don't have one cohesive group of people. It is just a large collection of smaller communities packed closely together.


I just wish the city had less traffic. And friendlier people. You know, like small towns.

If I had a time machine

If I had a time machine, I wouldn't use it for silly things like trying to talk leaders out of world wars or hanging out with medieval chicks. 


No sir. 


If I had a time machine, I would visit the dawn of man to hear the first ever joke. Perhaps it was just a loud fart that made the other cavemen laugh? 


If I had a time machine, I would go back and see who first discovered that drinking rotten honey (or rotten grapes) was a good decision.


If I had a time machine, I would streak naked onto the ice during the 1993 Stanley Cup semis between the Leafs and the Kings just as Gretzky was about to score a deciding goal (sorry Gretz, I love you). 


If I had a time machine, I would visit my 18-year-old self and kick his ass.


If I had a time machine, I would do what I could to keep most of the music bands in the 80's (and 90's and recently) from ever happening.


If I had a time machine, I would not have bought a Ford.


If I had a time machine, I would go far into the future to prove that teenagers will eventually lose their fingers and just have thumbs for texting. 


If I had a time machine, I would also travel (hopefully not too far) into the future to warn my children that I'm a bit weird, and to not copy that trait.


If I had a time machine, I'd be rich. Because I could sell it on eBay. 

medicate

don't sleep now

with the weight of day

hanging heavy in veins

on a tuesday noon

look but don't see

smell but don't touch

smile but don't laugh

they call it success

… what's that?

i lost it

the moment

has

passed … 

the sunlight divides you

from those early thoughts

to the next grey cloud

just past your view

just open the bottle

the next sure thing

hinging on hope

didn't work for you

remember that time

laying bare in the grass?

a lifetime is asking

for you to return

Is social media making us less social?

For millions of years, humans and their descendants have adapted to their environment to thrive. 


But now we're creating our own environment, and developing ways to communicate beyond natural means. 


That of course includes the internet, and more specifically, social media. 


Those born today know how to handle an iPhone by a year old. They expect to press a button and have wonderful things happen. 


The young never knew a time when landlines, handwritten letters and direct talking were the only ways to communicate. 


Now we can select who we talk to in a make-believe world of electronic impressions. We can reveal as much about ourselves as we want to, select who can contact us, and filter out any negative information.


Online dating has become an increasingly accepted form of finding a mate, replacing the old-fashioned 'pick-up'. Those who are succeeding in this new form of  seeking a partner are not necessarily alpha males or females, but the ones who have figured out how to make the best of electronic communication. 


Will nature adapt to our increasing need for information and decreasing attention span? 


Of course, that's impossible for one to know for sure. But I'm envisioning children of the future with limited vocal capacity and thinner fingers (for easier texting). 


OK, that might be a bit far-fetched. 


But what is sure is that if you put four teenagers together at a table today, more often than not they will text their other friends or surf the net. Our ability (older generations included) to hold an actual conversation might be fading. 


Once the baby boomers who never knew computers are gone, this trend may only grow stronger. In two or three generations, it will be even easier to share thoughts without effort. 


Maybe now is a good time to start a conversation about the future of conversation.


Thoughts?

The Wedding Files: Part II

I think I might have the solution to the world's economic problems.

(Wait for it… wait for it…)

OK, now.

Everyone should get married.

WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Here's why.

First there's the suits (ka-ching). And the dresses (ka-CHING). The shoes, the ties.

OH, oops… and the rings. How did I not put rings first?

Engagement rings are one thing. (I personally can't complain, since I proposed with an heirloom ring. Probably why I didn't list it first. But then, I can't complain about the suit either.)

You'll of course need wedding bands. Marketing genius dating back to medieval times, I'm guessing.

And then there's the venue(s). The food. The photographer (so someone can take photos of the food and the people eating it.) the DJ. The booze. The parting gifts.

Don't forget the invitations, and the subsequent thank you cards. Lord knows Canada Post can use all this business.

Oh, you also have to buy a 'wedding license'. What does this prove? Nothing. It's a Provincial tax of $140. You go to city/town hall and fork over cash, and they give you a piece of paper that basically says 'thanks for telling us'.

Then the honeymoon (again I can't complain, thanks family). The struggling U.S. will get a tiny boost from our visit to their west coast (can't wait, California.) But 100 million tourist visits, now we're talking.

Imagine all the Americans honeymooning in Banff. Canadians honeymooning in California. Belgians honeymooning in Taipei. Taiwanese honeymooning in Switzerland. And so on. Money flowing all around. A win-win-win-win, etc.

My wedding is now less than a month away, and I count my blessings that my family and family-in-law is helping to ensure it all goes well. I'm very grateful, don't get me wrong. Please don't confuse my dryness with contempt.

I am a lucky man.

But seriously. Think of it. One big year of weddings… world-wide. Weddings of all sizes – your grand 'look-at-me' events with 500 guests, your small-time, small-budget nuptials in a poorly lit room with seven people.

So all you people on the fence, all you people who are holding out for whatever reason… just do it. It's only as painful as, say, ripping off a Band-Aid. Yes, I capitalized Band-Aid. It's a name brand.

And when you do get married – children. Most likely. Right?

I don't have to start to list all the costs there, right from the get-go to the age of say… 32.

Ka-ching, taxes. Birth certificates. Cell phones. Cars. University. WEDDINGS. ka-CHING.

OK, so back to my point. Everyone, get married. Commitment ain't so bad. Good for the economy, and maybe people will get along more in the world.

Even if we're all poor after it's all said and done.