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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wondering the Universe (PT. 1)

I have an interest in history.  But not just your usual interest in say, the world wars, pioneers, or pirates (although pirates are super sweet. Second only to ninjas). 

My curiosity goes a bit further than that. Let me explain. 

We tend to take human behaviour for granted – we laugh, we kiss, we fart, we drink, we joke, we eat prepared food... yes, you get the idea.

How did this all come to be?

Did you ever stop to think who the first person to tell a joke was, and what that joke may have been? 

Back to the dawn of man: While out hunting for food, one Neanderthal turns to the other and says, "ugghh.... so... ugghhhhh.... what call dinner?" 

Other neanderthal looks puzzled. "ArrrrGGGHH... what?" 

First neanderthal says... "Dead meat!" (Translated of course from some ancient dialect.)

(Pause) then a short grunt that could pass for a laugh from Nean#2. 

OK, so it's a bad joke. But remember, that was supposed to be the first joke ever. Of course it's going to suck. I mean, it probably wasn't a knock-knock joke. 

But if it was... 

"Knock knock!" 

Neanderthal asks, "Who there?"

Voice from behind cave door: "Sab!"

Nean: "Sab who?"


Along those same lines, can you explain why farting is funny? OK, it's just a basic bodily function. But who was the first to laugh about it? 

Just think, before farting was funny, early man could just fart and keep on 'talking' like nothing happened. But now it's in our instincts to react to flatulence with snickering. Next time you're talking to a friend and let out a long fart, try not to crack a smile while continuing to talk. (Good luck.)

And what about kissing... is that instinct or did an accidental smashing of lips lead to the modern day version? I mean, think back to your first kiss. Was it awkward? Probably. Now think back to the FIRST KISS EVER and the thoughts that would be going through their heads:  

"WHAT ARE WE DOING? WHAT ARE WE DOING? WHAT… ohhhh, that's nice." (Translated of course from some ancient dialect.)

And what about alcohol? I mean, historians claim fermentation is as old at 10,000 BC. But was it an accident that led to the discovery that rotting material can get you drunk? And who was the first person to get hammered and subsequently hungover, and how did he/she relay this experience to their peers?

"Man, I was so hungry last night I ate some rice sitting in a bowl... but it was a bit mushy... and I drank the stuff at the bottom. Next thing I know, all the women servants looked better than ever and then I blacked out. But they said I danced like never before." (Translated of course from some ancient dialect.)

So just let your mind wander (wonder?). Think about the first person ever to do any given thing in your daily life, and what they must've thought at the time. 

Those folks didn't have any kids in the schoolyard to tell them how it is. They were the ones who told the others who eventually down the line told the first kid in the first schoolyard about it, who then passed it down through generations. 

Kinda blows your mind. 

Feel free to add more thoughts and theories to this. I mean, maybe we'll uncover another first in the process. 

Oops, just farted. 

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