If I had a time machine, I wouldn't use it for silly things like trying to talk leaders out of world wars or hanging out with medieval chicks. No sir.
If I had a time machine, I would visit the dawn of man to hear the first ever joke. Perhaps it was just a loud fart that made the other cavemen laugh?
If I had a time machine, I would go back and see who first discovered that drinking rotten honey (or rotten grapes) was a good decision.
If I had a time machine, I would streak naked onto the ice during the 1993 Stanley Cup semis between the Leafs and the Kings just as Gretzky was about to score a deciding goal (sorry Gretz, I love you).
If I had a time machine, I would visit my 18-year-old self and kick his ass.
If I had a time machine, I would do what I could to keep most of the music bands in the 80's (and 90's and recently) from ever happening.
If I had a time machine, I would not have bought a Ford.
If I had a time machine, I would go far into the future to prove that teenagers will eventually lose their fingers and just have thumbs for texting.
If I had a time machine, I would also travel (hopefully not too far) into the future to warn my children that I'm a bit weird, and to not copy that trait.
If I had a time machine, I'd be rich. Because I could sell it on eBay.
